Wedding Ringer (by Chiekwe Onyinye

In your room, you are surfing the net, network is incredibly fast; the mobile network you got is bae. There’s another bae- on the bed, the queen of your heart is sitting crossed-legged looking intently into her phone. Even with her face scrubbed clean of make-up, she’s still the cutest thing. Feeling warm, you think: fast network, bae with you; today is looking good.
Suddenly, bae exclaims, “oh my God, Ogechi is getting married!”
Your heart stops. Your fingers freeze on the laptop keyboard.
She gushes on, “Wow, Ogechi got engaged last night. My gosh, the ring is diviiine! These pictures are soo pretty!!
Just last night, and the pictures are already out? Haba! Why couldn’t Ogechi wait? You don’t feel warm anymore, you feel hot. Already, you are sweating. 

Today is not looking so good anymore.

Bae is still talking, “but why didn’t she tell me?”
Well in Ogechi’s defense, she only heard last night. You only reply her in your mind, you don’t say a word; bae mustn’t know you are listening. So, you pull your laptop closer and gaze into it intently .
Bae continues, “I know why she didn’t tell me. She doesn’t want me to feel bad. You and I, we’ve been dating for two years, yet nothing, no ring; she and Stephen just started dating five months ago and they are already engaged. I’ll call her”
We? Bae wants you to know she’s talking to you, so she’s bringing you into the conversation.  
Refusing to take the bait, you squint at the laptop and type away, looking busier than ever.

Now, bae is on the phone with Ogechi. You wish you were lying on the bed; you would have acted like you were asleep. Or dead.
“… after only 5 months of dating? Stephen knew what he wanted and he went for it. Some people need forever to make up their minds… Tony? Hmm…he’s fine. He’s here; we were just talking about … oh, all right, he’ll hear… okay darling, congrats again. Byee.”
Silence.
But silence is dangerous;  you know this. There is nothing you can do about it however, so you wait.
And wait.
Now, your heart is pounding; you pray to God to let this cup pass over you. But this is a cross you must carry, because bae finally breaks the silence.
“Ogechi says hi”.
You ignore her; you are very engrossed in your work. You frown at the laptop screen and shake your head; it’s serious work you are doing on this laptop…
“Tony!”
You turn reluctantly and give bae the ‘I don’t wish to be disturbed’ look.
She starts, “Ogechi is …” and stops. You don’t know whether to be relieved or further worried.
She resumes, “You know Stephen?”.
Yes, you know Stephen, Ogechi’s boyfriend, just yesterday turned fiancé. But you don’t think it’s safe to agree just yet, so you simply frown and look confused.
“Let me remind you”, says bae. “The same Stephen you went to watch match w ith that day we were supposed to see, and I kept calling and…”
You quickly agree; yes, you know Stephen.
Victorious nod.
Then, “He proposed to Ogechi yesterday!”
Dramatic pause.
You: “Wow! Ogechi is engaged, congrats to her”. You are smiling broadly; it’s a pleasant surprise. However, bae is not smiling. “She is engaged, because she was proposed to. By Stephen. Her boyfriend of five months.”
Hmm, how to reply that…
“Tony, do you love me? Do you want to build a future with me?” Bae’s soft voice is tugging at your heartstrings. Of course you love her; she’s your future. You tell her this.
“So why aren’t we engaged after two years? Just five months and they are engaged…”
You want to tell her it doesn’t matter when Stephen proposed; you’re not him. You also want to tell her that you love her, you want to spend forever with her, you want your kids to have her amazing sense of humour and beautiful eyes, and you feel terrible that you did not propose to her on her birthday, last week. The ring you got was too loose- you tested it while she was asleep- so you had sent it back to be resized. You want everything to be perfect for her. But you don’t want to ruin the surprise, so you say, “such is life”.
Bae is aghast, “what?!”
Although your father has told you that when a woman asks “what”, she wants you to change what you said, not repeat it. Still you say, “Such is life”.
Wham! The pillow she throws at you hits your head and drops to the floor.
You grin broadly; even if she threw pillows at you throughout the day, you wouldn’t mind. The bother would be nothing compared to the exhilarating feeling you’ll have later tonight, as you slip the ring into her finger.